ANN/AFP/THE STAR – “Do you think this suits me?” This can be a thorny question in any relationship. Answering it honestly can be risky, especially when the chosen outfit is not to your taste.
On the other hand, lying could erode trust in the long term. An American study, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, weighs up the pros and cons.
Does being honest strengthen a couple, or does it risk weakening the relationship?
A research team led by Bonnie Le, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, attempted to answer this question.To do this, the researchers asked more than 200 couples to have a one-on-one discussion about a sensitive topic, namely a change they would like to see in the other.
The objective was to analyse the effects of expressed honesty, the way it is perceived, and the partners’ ability to evaluate it accurately.
The verdict is that it’s better to tell the truth.
Positive effects
According to the research team, telling the truth has positive effects on the well-being of the couple, even if it can occasionally be painful.
“We found that being more honest in expressing a desired change predicted greater personal and relationship well-being for both partners, as well as greater partner motivation to change in the moment. The same pattern emerged when the person receiving a request to change perceived honesty in their partner, regardless of whether their partner was being honest or not,” explains Bonnie Le in a news release.
In other words, regardless of whether honesty is always perfectly understood or accurately perceived, the mere act of attempting to be sincere strengthens the relationship’s dynamics. In fact, the effort to be truthful might be as significant – if not more so – than flawless accuracy in its perception.
Nonetheless, these findings only pertain to couples in fairly healthy relationships.The study does not clarify whether this pattern would be applicable to those experiencing difficulties. Additional research could explore this question in greater depth in order to assess the impact of honesty on couples in crisis.
In the meantime, the science is clear. For a fulfilling relationship, it is better to be honest, even if the truth can sometimes be painful.
