From generation to generation: Passing down timeless values
If we were to look back with nostalgia at the wisdom of our elders, particularly within the Malay community, one of the values they often spoke of was pantang larang – the unwritten taboos.
For many, when witnessing the actions of their children or grandchildren that were deemed inappropriate, the common phrase heard was “inda kuasa” (it’s not permitted), uttered without clear explanation or justification.
In those times, children or grandchildren who were reprimanded simply complied, without question or objection.
However, in contrast to today’s youth, when they are reprimanded, they are quick to ask, “Why?”- seeking to understand the reason behind the prohibition.
Pantang larang has evolved from being a mere rule into a profound art form, deeply embedded in daily life, yet with a clear purpose: to shape children, grandchildren, and the community at large into individuals with clarity of mind and purity of heart, fostering mutual respect and courtesy towards others as they navigate the gift of life bestowed upon them by Allah the Almighty.
The Hidden Wisdom Behind Taboos
As we move through the currents of modernity, many within the Malay community may view pantang larang (taboos) as outdated, something no longer relevant in today’s world. However, the truth is that these taboos, often passed down through generations, undoubtedly carry a hidden wisdom meant to guide and protect.
There are countless pantang larang shared by our elders, and among the ones we often hear is the warning against eating in the dark, which is believed to cause one’s heart to harden. The elders would typically prohibit children from eating in the dark to prevent potential harm, such as food poisoning or other misfortunes.
Similarly, the saying “sitting on a pillow will cause harm” (duduk di atas bantal kelak ketulahan) is usually directed at children. In reality, a pillow is meant for resting one’s head, especially when lying down to sleep. It is considered improper to sit on a pillow. This pantang larang teaches us the importance of manners and respect for objects that serve specific purposes.
Another well-known saying, “looking in the mirror at night will cause your beauty to fade”, (bercermin muka pada waktu malam kelak hilang seri muka) is often directed at young women.
The intention behind this was to prevent excessive vanity, suggesting that prolonged gazing at one’s reflection could result in blemishes, particularly during late hours when the skin is more vulnerable.
Moreover, the saying also conveys a more practical lesson: excessive time spent in front of the mirror means less time spent on essential tasks or chores. While this may have been seen as a superstition, it served as a gentle way to offer advice.
Another pantang larang we may recall, perhaps heard while gathering with family in the village, is the belief that “taking a picture with two other people will shorten your life” (bergambar bertiga kelak pendek umur).
The elders’ aversion to odd numbers, especially three, led to the belief that being in a photo with two others would bring misfortune or a shortened lifespan. In truth, this superstition has no basis in reality and was simply a way to deter children from engaging in certain behaviours.
It’s important to recognise that such beliefs, like the one about group photos, have no connection to the actual length of a person’s life and are simply superstitions that contradict Islamic teachings.
Similarly, children were often warned not to play hide and seek, lest they risk being whisked away by an entity known colloquially as kelindahau (bermain tapuk-tapukan di dalam rumah kelak ditapuk hantu kelindahau).
Elders prohibited this activity out of concern that it could lead to disorder, with children hiding in corners or rooms, causing chaos. The deeper lesson, however, was that children should not become so absorbed in play that they neglect their responsibilities, such as helping their parents with household chores.
A Form of Non-formal Education
Upon reflection, the beauty of the pantang larang (taboos) from past generations reveals a form of non-formal education, particularly within the home, where core values of life were instilled – either directly or indirectly – aimed at assisting parents in raising children to become individuals of higher moral character, mindful of their actions in daily life.
In truth, some of these taboos may contradict Islamic beliefs and have gradually faded from the Malay community as Islamic values have strengthened over time.
However, those taboos that align with Islamic teachings have endured, still being observed within some families and communities.
One significant reason why these taboos are less practised today may be the busyness of modern life, which has limited the time parents can spend with their children. Moreover, many parents, particularly those raised in the modern era, may not have had the opportunity to learn about these customs.
Additionally, children are now more influenced by the media, spending much of their free time watching television or using mobile phones rather than engaging in conversations with their elders.
Ultimately, the true value of these taboos lies in their ability to foster discipline and mindfulness, guiding individuals to uphold proper conduct throughout their lives.
Incorporating them into our daily routines, especially for parents fulfilling the role of non-formal educators, can be a positive force, as long as they remain in harmony with Islamic teachings. – Nurdiyanah R
