Syawal in Brunei is a joyful time. After a month of reflection and fasting, families gather, homes open their doors, and tables are filled with everything from tapak kuda to satay.
But with this festive spirit also comes a hectic schedule -especially for working adults juggling office duties, family responsibilities, and an ever-growing list of open house invites.
While it’s a month of celebration and togetherness, many find themselves overwhelmed. Saying “yes” to every invitation can lead to burnout, social fatigue, and even friction in relationships when someone eventually needs to pull back.
This is where the underrated act of saying “no” comes in – not as a rejection, but as a way of maintaining your own balance and mental well-being.
THE HIDDEN PRESSURE OF SAYING “YES”
As Bruneians, the culture of togetherness is deeply valued. It’s common for people to feel obligated to accept every open house invite, especially when extended by relatives, close friends, or colleagues.
There’s often an unspoken expectation to “at least make an appearance,” even if it means attending four houses in a single afternoon or sacrificing much-needed rest after a long workweek.
But consistently saying yes can come at a cost. People have reported increased fatigue, irritability, and even falling ill during or after the Raya season – all symptoms of social and physical exhaustion.
WHY SAYING “NO” ISN’T SELFISH
Saying no isn’t about being anti-social or inconsiderate. It’s about preserving your ability to be fully present when you do show up.
Skipping a few events doesn’t mean you’re rejecting someone’s hospitality – it means you’re honouring your own limits so you can be a better guest elsewhere. It’s quality over quantity and it’s better to attend fewer gatherings and genuinely connect with people than to rush through 10 houses, barely saying more than a rushed “Selamat Hari Raya, makan dulu ah.”
COMMON REPERCUSSIONS – AND HOW TO HANDLE THEM GRACEFULLY
Of course, turning down an invitation during Hari Raya Aidilfitri can come with social awkwardness. Here are a few common concerns and tactful ways to navigate them:
1. “They might feel hurt or offended.”
This is a valid concern, especially in close-knit families or tight social circles. To soften the decline:
Send a heartfelt message: “Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir dan batin. Minta maaf ah, inda dapat hadir, tapi insyaAllah jumpa soon!”
Offer an alternative: “I can’t make it on Sunday, but can we catch up next weekend for teh tarik?”
2. “They’ll ask why I didn’t come.”
If asked directly, honesty – tempered with kindness – works best. Say something like:
“Work’s been hectic lately and I really needed to rest, tapi I saw your IG post – the food looked amazing and I really wish I could join!”
This acknowledges their effort while maintaining your boundary.
3. “They’ll joke or tease me for skipping.”
Light-hearted teasing is common. You can respond with humour, which helps defuse tension:
“Kalau datang, abis semua makanan karang bro.”
Sometimes, laughter goes further than explanations.
PRACTICAL TIPS FOR MANAGING INVITATIONS
To avoid overwhelming yourself during Syawal, consider these strategies:
1. Prioritise Your Calendar
Mark out the most important events – immediate family, close friends, significant gatherings. Space them out to allow rest days in between. Leave room for spontaneous visits, but avoid overbooking.
2. Set Time Limits
Let the host know you’ll be dropping by briefly. Even a 30-minute visit is enough to show face and share salam. This helps manage expectations without needing to commit to long hours.
3. Attend as a Group
If your colleagues or cousins are planning to go to the same house, consider carpooling or attending together. It saves time and energy while still maintaining social presence.
4. Leverage Digital Presence
Sending e-Raya cards, commenting on friends’ photos, or making a festive IG story shoutout can go a long way in maintaining goodwill when you can’t attend physically.
5. Practise Polite Deflection
When someone pressures you to attend, have polite phrases ready:
“Really wish I could, tapi schedule packed minggu ani.”
“I’d love to, tapi ada family dari jauh datang this weekend, so I have to stay around.”
REFRAMING WHAT “RAYA SPIRIT” REALLY MEANS
At its core, the Hari Raya Aidilfitri season is about forgiveness, reconnection, and gratitude. These don’t require you to exhaust yourself or tick every box on a social calendar. In fact, by taking care of your own energy, you’re better able to offer genuine connection when you do meet others.
Choosing rest, or saying no to preserve your well-being, doesn’t go against the Raya spirit – it honours it. Because ultimately, the spirit of Syawal isn’t just in the open houses or lavish spreads.
It’s in sincere greetings, thoughtful check-ins, and quiet moments of reflection that make us better companions, family members, and friends.
So if you find yourself looking at another weekend filled with open houses and feeling more dread than delight, take a breath. It’s okay to say no. Raya isn’t a race – it’s a celebration. And sometimes, celebrating means choosing peace over pressure. – Features Desk
