ANN/THE STAR – Childhood is no longer synonymous with carefree days.
Increasing exposure and changing perspectives have led to the emergence of anxious parents, driven by what psychologists refer to as a scarcity mindset – seeing opportunities as limited and needing to be seized quickly.
As a result, many parents enroll their children in school at an early age, seeking an academic head start. Soon after, extra-curricular activities follow suit. It’s now common to see children engaged in a wide range of pursuits, from sports and drama to music and public speaking, with parents juggling the responsibility of transporting them between activities.
The Unites States National Institutes of Health (NIH) calls this practice hyper-parenting – the overscheduling of children in activities as parents “strive to provide their children with a competitive edge”.
But instead of setting the stage for success, hyper-scheduling “places increased pressure on children, compromising their health and perceived happiness.”
This results in the hurried child syndrome, a term coined by child psychologist Dr David Elkind who defines it as “a set of stress-linked behaviours when a child is expected by his or her parents to perform well beyond his or her level of mental, social or emotional capabilities”.
Elkind authored his groundbreaking work, The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon in 1981, and more than four decades later, this practice has only evolved exponentially.
Social media influencers have also partly fuelled this, posting their kids’ achievements and activities and presenting overscheduling as a positive practice because they say kids are resilient and can handle the load.
But developmental paediatrician Dr Rajini Sarvanathan said society cannot have a tunnel vision on this issue. “We can’t just blame social media for this,” she said.
“For decades now, whenever major exam results are released, we only highlight students who achieve good grades and schools reward those who do well. Parents only highlight to others what their children excel in, often hiding away their challenges. This (drives) advertising and often, parents think (enrolling their young ones in) programmes are the way for the children to achieve future success,” she added.
Sunway Medical Centre clinical psychologist Evelyn Ngui Ailing agreed that the root of overscheduling runs deep in societal beliefs that success is defined by academic achievements.
“Perhaps parents feel that their life is good today because they studied well, or that it isn’t good because they didn’t. Either way, these parents want a better future for their children so they give their kids more opportunities and exposure,” she said.
Ngui said overscheduling is more about parental anxiety than the actual needs of the child.
“Overscheduling can make parents feel good; when you can provide opportunities, you feel like you’re doing a good job.”
COACHING KIDS
Ngui said exposure to experiences enriches a child’s life, but there’s a fine line between giving them exposure and expecting too much.
“Exposure is good, and classes allow kids to learn different skills and may unveil their abilities.
But more hours don’t automatically equate translate better outcomes,” she said.
Children’s swim coach Abdullah Hafiz Abdul Jabar, 28, who coaches toddlers and children agree that while exposure is good, pressure is not.
“Coaching kids to swim is more about easing them into the sport and making them love it, and sports in general. It’s not about packing drills and sending them for competitions when they are are not yet mentally equipped for them. “You want kids to enjoy sports – because a healthy body is for life – and you don’t want to add stress to them, the way formal academic education sometimes does,” he said.
Abdullah Hafiz played football as a teenager and was an under-21 footballer for Negri Sembilan before an anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) injury forced him to retire and pivot to swimming. Even with a competitive background, the father of one maintains that “drills and training are good for adults or older children… not young ones”.
“When I coach, I talk to the children about their days and what they like and don’t like. Coaching children is about imparting skills, communication and connection. The way you teach kids isn’t the same as how you would teach adults,” he said.
“If you want children to listen to you, you need to listen to them too. In sports training, there are values that coaches should impart; but when the focus is solely about skills, some of those values like sportsmanship and friendship, are lost,” he said.
Dr Rajini said children respond differently to the environment and the stimulation they receive, so quantifying what is “healthy” and what is “overscheduling” can be difficult.
“For preschoolers, child-directed unstructured play time is very important to develop their thinking, planning, ability to express themselves or creative skills. Adult-led structured activities may help children learn about rules, achieving set goals and social skills in these settings,” she said.
“Allow your child free time on their own without giving them too many toys and watch how they play. If children struggle to entertain themselves, it suggests that they need more time to engage in unstructured play. Also, watch out for physical complaints such as being tired as well as physical symptoms of aches and pains or mood changes.
“All these can signify that their mental and physical health is being affected by all the extra classes. Parents should also consider how they feel shuttling their children from one activity to another – are they spending meal times on the go, do they feel exhausted at the end of the day, do parents have the time to do anything else? If parents feel the stress, imagine what the children go through,” she added. – Syida Lizta Amirul Ihsan
