(ANN/THE STAR) – As parents, our foremost duty is to lay a strong foundation for our child’s future. Central to this effort is instilling effective coping strategies, which are essential for navigating life’s challenges.
These strategies encompass a range of mental and behavioural techniques that help manage reactions to stress, problems, or uncomfortable emotions.
These reactions can be emotional, physiological, cognitive, and behavioural, making coping not just about regulating emotions but also about developing thinking skills and adaptive behaviours.
As life becomes more complex, children need healthy coping mechanisms to navigate the challenges they will face as they grow into adulthood. This need has become increasingly urgent in recent years, with global reports highlighting a significant rise in psychological issues among children and teenagers.
Research indicates that poor coping with adverse childhood experiences can increase the risk of developing psychological disorders in later life.
Unhealthy coping strategies
There are numerous coping strategies that we use to deal with problems and stressors, some healthier than others.
Yes, coping styles can be unhealthy, too!
Unhealthy coping strategies are those actions taken to deal with our problems that maintain distress, leading to psychological (and sometimes physical) harm.
In some cases, these can provide instant, but temporary, relief from a stressor, which may be harmful in the long run.
These coping strategies tend to be emotion-focused.
For example, rumination or overthinking about negative emotions may seem like a way to figure out a solution, but it can become so repetitive and unending that it becomes both mentally and physically tiring to the point of depression.
On the opposite end of the spectrum is explosive emotional expression, such as shouting or hitting a pillow.
Escalating emotions is counterintuitive to coping calmly.
It can be physically harmful as well.
Other examples of unhealthy coping strategies are:
- Social isolation/withdrawal
- Repression of feelings
- Toxic positivity, e.g. dismissing negative emotions and forcing positivity
- Aggression
- Excessive screen time/entertainment
- Blaming self/others
- Substance use.
Healthy coping strategies
Healthy coping strategies are actions taken to regulate our emotions that promote beneficial outcomes such as addressing problems.
These are generally problem-focused coping strategies that work on identifying the problem and actively finding solutions for them.
This can include identify resources for help and speaking to someone to help source for solutions to the problem.
In some cases, such coping strategies may not provide instant relief from the stressor, but in the long run, will be of immense help to reduce stress and anxiety.
Healthy coping strategies allow children to accept their emotions and learn that active problem-solving can help reduce their distress more effectively than to just focus on their emotions.
Some emotion-focused coping can be helpful, but tend to be short-term.
These include distraction exercises like relaxation, entertainment, physical exercises and engaging in a hobby.
As a whole, problem-focused strategies are more efficient.
Imparting these strategies
Here are some tips to facilitate healthy coping strategies in your child:
Start early
Teaching your child to address problems using healthy coping strategies early reduces their chances of having trouble managing their emotions, behaviours and thoughts when they get older.
Teach your child to identify emotions
Children who are familiar with emotions are better at regulating them.
Help your child understand how their emotions come about and how they can be changed.
Once they are more familiar with the causes and conditions of their emotions, they get better at regulating emotions themselves.
Children who are able to communicate about how they feel are more likely to get proper help with problems.
Lead by example
Be aware of your own coping strategies.
The coping strategies that you use can influence the coping strategies your child picks up.
Therefore, it is important for parents to be a role model and practise healthy coping strategies around your child.
Feel free to also express negative emotions because they are natural and your child is bound to feel them in life.
Normalising emotions can be a tremendous help in your child’s understanding of emotion regulation.
Focus on progress, not punishment
Create a home environment that encourages and facilitates the development of healthy coping strategies, rather than punishing unhealthy ones.
This can include acknowledging your child’s feelings, working with him to seek solutions to problems, and praising her for being resourceful.
Be aware of unhealthy coping strategies
If you spot your child exhibiting any unhealthy coping strategies (e.g. avoidance, denial or self-blame), it would be helpful to intervene and provide the necessary training for them to learn more efficient and effective methods.
Remember, coping is not just about emotion regulation; it is also about how we think and behave.
Helping your child connect their thoughts and beliefs to their behaviours and emotions can provide them with a sense of mastery of themselves as they grow up.
Problem-solving behaviours form effective coping strategies that are essential in life.
Instilling healthy coping strategies in children early on does not just reduce risks of psychological disorders in adulthood, but also encourages them to thrive with resilience. – Professor Dr Alvin Ng Lai Oon
Professor Dr Alvin Ng Lai Oon is a clinical psychologist and founding president of the Malaysian Society of Clinical Psychology.
