Go at your own pace

|     Kimberly Chua     |

More often than not, we hear about other people achieving success one way or another. Whether it’s about marriage, children, businesses doing well and so on, we take in those stories from a mutual friend, a family member, books and even TV programmes and YouTube videos.

Some of us feel happy for those people.

Some of us feel jealous of them and angry at ourselves for not having the same things.

Some of us may even feel both emotions and more in no particular order.

Everybody envies someone at one point or another, but we must not let these negative feelings overcome us. So, I’ve written some points for all you magnificent souls out there on how to deal with them:

It’s very easy to look at other people’s fortunes and not feel grateful for your own

Say you’re striving to achieve the promotion at work you’ve been wanting for so long, then all of a sudden that promotion has been given to someone else. You feel livid and envious. All these negative emotions hang over you like a dark cloud.

Whether that person is your friend or not, you avoid them completely. They may notice you avoiding them and ask you what’s wrong. You may grumble or shout at them because your anger gets the better of you, but by the end of the day, your anger benefits no one, not even yourself.

So before you make a rash decision like that, take a step back and count your blessings (for example, your comfortable house, your loving spouse, children and parents) and remember that your life is still worth living. Remind your loved ones that you love them often and compliment them, too. Be the person you’ve always needed in your life.

What you want isn’t always what you need

If you always want what isn’t meant to be yours, you’ll never be satisfied. Often, we want and chase things in an attempt to feel whole, but once we have it, that same incomplete feeling will return.

That’s because it’s human nature to always want more because of the excitement the things we want bring us. We think they will make people like us and/or give us a sense of fulfilment.

We often want what we cannot have because those things are unattainable until proven otherwise, then we go after the next best thing. This is often the case with material things like shoes, handbags and trips overseas.

Look deep within yourself and ask yourself what it is you’ve been longing to have. Is it approval from your boss, friends or family? Is it to be loved for who you are and not what others want you to be?

It’s important to dig deep within yourself to find what it is you’ve been seeking to fulfil.

Find a confidante

Find someone who is willing to lend an ear to listen to your struggles and is willing to help you through thick and thin. Not only can you let your feelings out, you can also listen to your confidante regarding their trials as well.

A bond is always a two-way road. No one is alone when it comes to facing adversity, so finding a true friend to talk to is always special.

You are not meant to be like everyone else

There will always be people who won’t like you for any reason and will pressure you to change into someone you’re not. It’s not your job to please them. It’s your job to live your life on your own terms.

You may have a diploma at 21 and not get a salary job until you’re 28. You may have a degree and work in a job you hate. You may have a Master’s degree and not even have a job.

There is no such thing as a perfect life (or even a perfect person!); it’s all about seeing an imperfect life perfectly and making the most of what you’ve got by being yourself.

You are the star of your own movie.

Don’t compare your behind-the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel

We almost always see people’s names in bright shining lights like Steven Spielberg and Michael Jackson. We hear about the awards they’ve won, the fans who adore them and the awesomeness of the projects they make.

But do we hear about what goes on behind the scenes?

If you have watched their interviews where they sometimes reveal their frustrations and sadness, then maybe. But we as the audience and fans don’t know the whole story.

Very rarely do people hear about the tough beginnings because the success had not been achieved yet, but for some people who really want to know how they did it, they would go to every possible length to find out how they can achieve their own success and not try to copy others.

Don’t try to tell other people how to live their lives

How others want to live their lives is up to them. You may have the best of intentions, but more often than not, you’ll be told to stay in your lane. They are not you and vice versa as no two lives are meant to be identical.

You don’t have to analyse everything you do. Sometimes, things go the best way, not the way you planned

There’s nothing wrong with being your own coach, but when things go awry, you may sometimes feel you’re the only one at the helm and it’s up to only you to fix things.

But life has a way of turning the tables and it can’t hurt to ask for help from an expert. Who knows? Maybe the path you’re meant to go down will be even better than the one you’ve mapped down.