| Azlan Othman |
ISLAM has a comprehensive approach to tackling household conflicts. It starts with an advice, segregating the wife from the bed and then seeking intervention from a middle person like Family Counselling Service Division of the Syariah Affairs Department, a family member the couple respects, village head or Imam. The final solution is divorce filed at court.
This was highlighted in a working paper presented by Ustaz Hj Saharuddin bin Hj Petra titled ‘Conflict Resolution in Marriage According to Islamic Perspective’ at the first post-marriage course jointly organised by the Family Counselling Service Division and Religious Affairs Office in Tutong yesterday.
He added that household problems can be either visible or indiscernible with the former showing up frequent quarrels, finger-pointing and angry outbursts while the latter includes misunderstanding and disaffection.
Among the symptoms of household crisis include failing to sleep well, stress, disillusionment over marriage, uneasy feeling, frequent misunderstandings, hostile behaviour towards the other half, emotional outbursts, isolation, low sexual drive, disagreements and suspicion of betrayal.
The source of conflict is often due to lack of knowledge on conflict resolution in Islamic perspective. Such a clash may plague the pair resulting in divorce.
A household problem that results in divorce is often due to the couple’s failure to communicate effectively.
It can also be caused by sexual problems, lack of attention and affection or ignoring the problem without trying to find a solution to the troubles.
As a leader in the family, it is the obligation of the husband to find a solution to overcome conflicts. He should do soul-searching, he should be sensitive to every matter in the household and find the root cause of the conflict. If the problems originated from the husband, he should admit his mistake and make positive changes.
In a conflict is caused by the wife or outside influences, the husband should advise his wife wisely to improve the situation. If it fails, the husband should not engage in physical intimacy by sleeping separately. The husband should not leave home and when the wife becomes loyal again, he should stop causing any difficulties and should not seek revenge.
If advising the wife and separation fails, then the husband must ‘pukul sayang’ – hit with affection – to make the wife aware of her bad attitude so she would change.
If such efforts fail, the husband should appoint a middleman to solve the conflict.