| Tavita |
IF YOU find the following real hard yakka, go get yourself a dictionary, mate.
A dictionary of En Zed talk. Fundamental, traditional stuff.
This week, I could have done with one myself.
I got a call from my old mate Trev. I hadn’t heard from him in yonks.
It was fundamental stuff and very, very traditional.
He was fundamentally stuck at Auckland Airport sculling a couple of traditional cold ones.
It was hosing down outside and he couldn’t find the fundamental long drop so he fancied a bit of a traditional yak.
He’d got his A into G and was heading up north with a couple of mates. The Northern Hemisphere north, that is.
They’d jacked up a fundamental month-long sickie and were off to the traditional Autumn Series. They’d left the traditional rellies behind and were off to the fundamental footy.
They were well-prepared and keen to go. They’d packed an extra cardie or two and a couple of fundamental hotties with socks to go in his jandals since autumns up there get chilly, he’d heard.
I envied him.
November’s a mighty Rugby Union month. And the Autumn Series has got the lot. All the biggest teams are lined up. It’s game after game after game after game.
Italy, Samoa, England, Wales, Australia, France, Fiji, Scotland, Argentina, Ireland and South Africa.
They’re flat out against each other each week, with Georgia and Tonga thrown in for good measure.
And, of course, there’s also New Zealand!
Not that Trev’s feeling worried, mind, since they’re home and hosed as certain winners.
He’s keen to suss out the others, though. He reckons it’s the last chance to check out their form before next year’s World Cup and see who’s going to be runners-up.
“An unbelievable month,” he reckoned.
And the opening game tonight is one of the most unbelievable.
New Zealand versus the USA. A repeat of the greatest game ever played in America.
“A tiki tour for openers,” said Trev.
Deep in the heart of ….
A sell-out crowd of 61000 at Soldier Field, the oldest NFL stadium and home of the President’s beloved Bears.
“America’s Ekatahuna!” said Trev.
“She’ll be right,” he reckoned. “Land of the Free and Home to the Blacks!”
Trev and his mates are off to Chicago since it’s the traditional way to England, Scotland and Wales whom the All Black’s will fundamentally thrash by even more than they did last time.
The American media are selling it hot. They know all about the AB’s but are keen to know about the game of rugby. They’re wondering how it compares to their sacred NFL.
Trev knows this is a fundamentally dumb sort of thing to be keen to know.
Like “how does a traditional jug of stein compare with fundamental L&P fizz?”
And only really dumbo jokers would waste time wondering when they could be wondering about how many points the AB’s will score.
Apart from that, though, it looks like being a fundamentally traditional great night out in Chicago. Right up Trev’s back alley.
SAVS & PAVS
All Black Business is Godzone Business.
This is a traditionally fundamental fact of life in modern day Kiwi footy and many a traditional firm is booked to make the most of this chance to fundamentally make some traditional heaps from the game. Reports suggests that fundamental NZ traditions will be featured all over the town.
Wool merchants will be revealing the traditionally fundamental values of the New Zealand way of life represented by fundamental sheep traditionally chopped out of top grade hogget.
Wine and cheese specialists will be demonstrating the traditionally fundamental glories of a plate of savs and pavs with mountain oysters and pikelets and a slice of Palmerston Blue on top, all washed down with a couple of mugs of Mangere Red.
Trade and Enterprise Inc. will be arriving in the traditionally fundamental Air New Zealand way chokka with fundamental flight attendants traditionally threatening to throw you off if you don’t put your seat back up, mate.
The highlight of it all will be a traditionally fundamental post-match night of Kiwi Kulture to celebrate another fundamentally traditional fifty point All Black triumph.
Traditional jokers will fundamentally challenge traditional crackers to a late night haka out in the wop-wops.
Then they’ll rattle their dogs and nick away knackered on to the nearest fundamental Air New Zealand shuttle, hope it doesn’t prang, gamble on the traditional wings not falling off, open another chilly bin and head off for next Saturday’s thumping of England at Twickenham to the sound of the fundamentally traditional South Taranaki National Anthem.
“Bring on the Poms!”
“I’ll be watching,” I promised him.
“Good on yer, mate,” said Trev.
In fluent Otahuhuan!